# How I lost 50 lbs.



## youngdon (Mar 10, 2010)

MY LAST TRIP TO Sam's Club..... Yesterday I was at my local Sam's Club buying a large bag of Purina small dog chow for my loyal pets, Millie and Max, the Lap Dogs and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had a pet elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina... Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's a$$ and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Sam's Club won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.


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## Antlerz22 (Apr 18, 2011)

youngdon said:


> MY LAST TRIP TO Sam's Club..... Yesterday I was at my local Sam's Club buying a large bag of Purina small dog chow for my loyal pets, Millie and Max, the Lap Dogs and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had a pet elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina... Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's a$$ and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Sam's Club won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.


Now being there to watch this unfold would have been PRICELESS.


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## hassell (Feb 9, 2010)

Good one, HA!! Reminds me of when going through the checkout behind a mother with two or three rug rats and adding a few handfuls of chocolate bars to there cart and telling the kids to be quite until they got home.


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## Yotehntr (Nov 17, 2010)

That's sick!


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## youngdon (Mar 10, 2010)

It was s couple of houses ago (we've moved a lot trying to stay ahead of the law) where the neighbor lady used to post signs all over the area stating how she had lost 60 lbs in 60 days(she was lying)... Now just to prove to you how rotten I can be, I spent three days making signs that read "I lost 3 lbs in 180 days ask me how" And posted my real phone number. I then went out one night to remove all of her signs and put mine up. Well I got more calls than she ever dreamed of getting with people laughing their butts off. Well all but one. Guess who ! She was livid. I put all her signs in her front yard the next night.


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## Mattuk (Oct 16, 2010)

I knew what was coming but it still made me laugh!









That was a top prank to pull on her!


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## youngdon (Mar 10, 2010)

It was something to see all the places she put her signs..... Like we would have forgotten between telephon poles. She never did put them all up again. My neighbor who lived on the other side knew about it and he makes sure that everyone knows as he's laughing his posterior off.


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## Mattuk (Oct 16, 2010)

You've just got to do things like that to these people who are full of crap and have no sense of humour.


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## Yotehntr (Nov 17, 2010)

LOL you are one sick puppy Don! I love it! Can't wait till I retire, hope I can do as well!


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## Mattuk (Oct 16, 2010)

I'm sure with our coaching you will!


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## bones44 (Jan 7, 2011)

Reminds of the comedian who saw the bumper sticker on a womans car that said lose weight, ask me how. So the comedian did and the woman responded.......go on a diet fatass ! Don you have got to be the life of the party in your neighborhood. I use to have a neighbor that had a mobile home moved to a lot by us in the country. He left for a weekend and a bunch of us got together and replaced all his outdoor lights with turn signals and put a license plate on his garage door. When he came home, man was he pissed !


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## On a call (Mar 3, 2010)

So Don do the dogs now have dinner with you at the table or do you sit down on the floor ?

Do you have any yerning to go pee on bushes ?

When you are driving around and see a couple kids throwing a ball......do you jump out wait patiently ?

Is it hard to drive by Pets Mart ?

How many times have you bitten the tire on the cars driving by ?? have you learned anthing yet ?

And last but not least.....how does your wife enjoy making love now ?


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## youngdon (Mar 10, 2010)

What do you mean.... now ?

I always did

I take their ball and run off !

Free cookies !!

Never and Nope!

You'll have to ask the neighbor !

He's the one that thinks we have church service all times of the day and night !


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## ReidRH (Feb 1, 2010)

Thats what she said YD!


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## ReidRH (Feb 1, 2010)

Yall are Killin Me! Don does your wife keep you in a chain link pen with your computer or does she let you roam free LOL!

NEVER EVER Mess with a Retired Person They have too much time to Think about how they will Repay your Misdeed!

Love the purina Diet, I will have to try that on some Over weight (Fat) folks I know!


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## youngdon (Mar 10, 2010)

ReidRH said:


> Yall are Killin Me! Don does your wife keep you in a chain link pen with your computer or does she let you roam free LOL!
> 
> NEVER EVER Mess with a Retired Person They have too much time to Think about how they will Repay your Misdeed!
> 
> Love the purina Diet, I will have to try that on some Over weight (Fat) folks I know!


It's funny... I don't have to think about this stuff at all, it just pops into my head and i go with it.

And I roam free BTW she had a chip put in me !


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## ReidRH (Feb 1, 2010)

Well I guess someone has to keep up with ya! LOL


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## Mattuk (Oct 16, 2010)

youngdon said:


> It's funny... I don't have to think about this stuff at all, it just pops into my head and i go with it.
> 
> And I roam free BTW she had a chip put in me !


It was the being neutered that Don didn't like!


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## bones44 (Jan 7, 2011)

Hope he's not double jointed !!


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## youngdon (Mar 10, 2010)

Mattuk said:


> It was the being neutered that Don didn't like!


Nope I can still count to two.


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## Mattuk (Oct 16, 2010)

We all know you can count Don.


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## youngdon (Mar 10, 2010)

Sorry it was another obscure reference. Counting to two is what the judges in a dog show make sure you male dog can do when examining them in the show ring.


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## Mattuk (Oct 16, 2010)

youngdon said:


> Sorry it was another obscure reference. Counting to two is what the judges in a dog show make sure you male dog can do when examining them in the show ring.


I know that, many years ago I use to go out with a hot blonde that showed Doberman's. And don't read anything into that either!


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## bones44 (Jan 7, 2011)

What position.....um never mind. Hey Don, I just saw the rerun of the Office where Angela was cleaning her cat while everyone watched on her webcam ! Made me think of this conversation. Ever seen that episode ?


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## youngdon (Mar 10, 2010)

I must have missed that one... I'm sure the wife has seen it though she is addicted. Sometimes when it is on I come talk to you guys.


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## bones44 (Jan 7, 2011)

It's hilarious ! She has a webcam on all her cats at work. She forgets and leaves it on and well.... the guys in the office watch her with the cats. I laughed my butt off.


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## On a call (Mar 3, 2010)

Matt...so tell us more about the two second count.


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## bones44 (Jan 7, 2011)




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## youngdon (Mar 10, 2010)

On a call said:


> Matt...so tell us more about the two second count.


You might want to reread the OP, there is no time limit !


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## On a call (Mar 3, 2010)

What is an OP ?


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## youngdon (Mar 10, 2010)

original post..... the first one that mentioned counting to two.


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## bgfireguy (Apr 12, 2011)

Holy Hell Don. I wasnt prepared for the ending and I laughed so hard I fell off the couch laughing. My wife came running cause she thought something was wrong!!!!!!!!!! Its like the one I said to someone I hadnt seen in two years, he caught me in the local walmart and asked me what I was doing here. I looked him dead in the eye and said oh you know hunting elephants. Now I had read that somewhere a long time ago. He didnt know what to say but I thought his wife was gonna pass out from laughing so hard.


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## youngdon (Mar 10, 2010)

Did you hand him his "sign"


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## Antlerz22 (Apr 18, 2011)

youngdon said:


> Did you hand him his "sign"


I think the guys wife was digging in her purse to give it to him! LOL


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## bones44 (Jan 7, 2011)

Love it BigFG !!


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