# Anger management



## youngdon

:deadhorse:This one made me laugh out loud.

Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day,
And you just need to take it out on someone,
Don't take it out on someone you know,
Take it out on someone you don't know,
But you know deserves it.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered
A phone call I'd forgotten to make.

I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying
'Hello.'

I politely said,
'This is Chris.
Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear> 'Get the right f***ing number!'
And the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Robyn's correct number
To call her,
I found that I had accidentally transposed
The last two digits.

After hanging up with her,
I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled
'You're an [email protected]#hole!'
And hung up.

I wrote his number down
With the word '[email protected]#hole' next to it,
And put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks,
When I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell,
'You're an [email protected]#hole!'

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced,
I thought my therapeutic '[email protected]#hole'
Calling would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said,
'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.
I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our
Caller ID Program?'

He yelled
'NO!'
And slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said,
'That's because you're an [email protected]#hole!'
And hung up.

One day I was at the store,
Getting ready to pull into a parking spot.

Some guy in a black BMW
Cut me off and pulled into the spot
I had patiently waited for.

I hit the horn and yelled
That I'd been waiting for that spot,
But the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window,
So I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later,
Right after calling the first [email protected]#hole
(I had his number on speed dial)
I thought that I'd better call the BMW [email protected]#hole, too.

I said,
'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'

He said,
'Yes, it is.'

I then asked,
Can you tell me where I can see it?'

He said,
'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd. , in Fairfax
It's a yellow ranch style house
And the car's parked right out in front.'

I asked,
'What's your name?'

He said,
'My name is Don Hansen.'

I asked,
'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'

He said,
'I'm home every evening after five.'

I said,
'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'

He said,
'Yes?'

I said,
'Don, you're an [email protected]#hole!'

Then I hung up,
And added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem,
I had two [email protected]#holes to call.

Then I came up with an idea...

I called [email protected]#hole #1.

He said,
'Hello'

I said,
'You're an [email protected]#hole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)

He asked,
'Are you still there?'

I said,
'Yeah!'

He screamed,
'Stop calling me'

I said,
'Make me.'

He asked,
'Who are you?'

I said,
My name is Don Hansen.'

He said,
'Yeah? Where do you live?'

I said,
[email protected]#hole, I live at 34 oak tree Blvd., in Fairfax ,
A yellow ranch style home and
I have a black Beamer parked in front.'

He said,
'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'

I said,
'Yeah, like I'm really scared, [email protected]#hole,'
And hung up.

Then I called [email protected]#hole #2.

He said,
'Hello?'

I said,
'Hello, [email protected]#hole,'

He yelled,
'If I ever find out who you are...'

I said,
'You'll what?'

He exclaimed,
'I'll kick your [email protected]#'

I answered,
'Well, [email protected]#hole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now.'

Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
saying that I was on my way over to 34 oak tree Blvd, in Fairfax, to
kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 7 News
about the gang war going down in oak tree Blvd in Fairfax .

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax .

I got there just in time to watch two [email protected]#holes
beating the crap out of each other
in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter
and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

Anger management really does work.


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## ReidRH

I Love it Sometimes they just deserve to be messed with LOL!!! Now you done gave me an Idea!!!


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## RoughNeck

Holy s#*t that was funny, my side is hurtinf from LMAO the whole time i was reading it


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## youngdon

Glad I could tickle your funny bone RoughNeck.


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## catcapper

:clapclap:


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## On a call

I had to laugh too....signing someone up for junk mail is another approach.


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## Mattuk

Don I know you posted this last year but I've only just found it, *fantastic!* I think Roberta thought I was having some sort of fit as I read it!


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## On a call

Question....Don, is you last name Hansen ?


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## youngdon

Answer..... NO

Do you have a cousin Mose ?


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## On a call

Don...had to look that one up and ended up laughing a bit, dumb hummor but for some reason still funny thanks Don.

I just had to mention the above last name due to your name in the story.

Thanks for the laugh ! Walleyes are running as are the pike .


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## youngdon

I'm sure my Brother will be at the river.


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## Mattuk

On a call said:


> Don...had to look that one up and ended up laughing a bit, dumb hummor but for some reason still funny thanks Don.
> 
> I just had to mention the above last name due to your name in the story.
> 
> Thanks for the laugh ! Walleyes are running as are the pike .


How big will the pike go Brian? Our record is 46lb I think.


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## On a call

Most of the pike are smaller but there are larger ones that I have seen caught. I have caught two 18 pounders that were pushing 39 inches. The largest I saw landed was 42 inches and weighed in at about 24 pounds. All depends one where you are.

Muskie are another fine fish. A year and half ago I caught a 28 pounder my biggest...but the guy I was with caught a 38. And the guy next to us landed a new lake record a 48 pounder. The state record in Michigan is 50 pounds and some change...or least it was the record. I have not heard of a new one. Lake St. Clair is most likely going to produce a new record soon...they just keep getting larger. And I live about 30 minutes from there.

Walleye are my choice though for eating...well them and perch. Just ask Don. This is one of the things he misses living where he does.

BTW...you guys have huge pike. I used to read about them when I was younger. I think you guys feed them steroids or somthing ha ha.


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## youngdon

Yeah I miss the perch. I used to go to all you can eat fish fry's every month. Just perch and coleslaw.


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## On a call

mmm...Those days are days past. I have not been to a Jeruselum fire dept. all you can eat fish fry in some time....mmmmmmm is all I can say.


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## youngdon

Monclova Fire dept. used to have them monthly and I was expected to show. Dad was a founding member of the dept. and always took us.


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## On a call

Ahh yes Monclova FD,,,My brother lives just a short walk from there. I have not noticed if they still have them there ?>?>


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## youngdon

I think Dad said they stopped them.


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## On a call

The price of perch has hit the roof and broke through. The problem being the new limits all because of the gobby and well other invasive species.

I have a few packages in the freezer...this summer they will hit the deep fryer. mmmm


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## youngdon

I don't care how many times I read that I still laugh.


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## Mattuk

youngdon said:


> Yeah I miss the perch. I used to go to all you can eat fish fry's every month. Just perch and coleslaw.


Don't the bones in a perch get on your nerves Don and Brian?


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## HowlinRed

Great humor Don. I like it.

You guys ever try crappie.


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## youngdon

Mattuk said:


> Don't the bones in a perch get on your nerves Don and Brian?


Yes, when they are improperly filleted, perch have really fine bones. The perch at the fry's was all cleaned and deboned really well.

Yes HR I have. It is really good as well and has small fine bones too.


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## On a call

Matt.....I too fillet my perch and the larger one I skin. They are the boom, its like eating potato chips. mmmm You cannot eats just one. And coleslaw is a favorite with it just like Don said. BTW...coleslaw good slaw uses mayo.

Red....Crappie are good too...Grandpa used to take me on the St Johns river in Fl. We would use cane poles and flat head minnow and dip into submerged trees or branches laying in the water. We would catch a nice creel, scale, and fillet Gramma would fry them and make hush puppies and oh....coleslaw mmmm

Matt.....Big bluegill, perch, and crappie cannot be beat for deep frying.


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## Mattuk

We don't kill perch or pike over here they all go back, I even put my trout back if I can. Crappie heard of them, the name is not a good start!


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## youngdon

We do a lot of catch and release too, especially on trout.


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## Mattuk

Oh no on most waters they want you to kill them so I then give them to friends etc I don't want the bloody horrible things!


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## Mattuk

On a call said:


> Don...had to look that one up and ended up laughing a bit, dumb hummor but for some reason still funny thanks Don.
> 
> I just had to mention the above last name due to your name in the story.
> 
> Thanks for the laugh ! Walleyes are running as are the pike .


Brian this is our Zander its very much like your walleye.


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## HowlinRed

Nice fish Matt.

Don't let the name, "crappie" fool ya. They are very good. Especially fried in a cast iron skillet.


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## Mattuk

Thank you HR. I'm sure they are it just makes me smile thats all!


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## HowlinRed

It makes me smile when I see a 5 gallon bucket full.


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## On a call

Matt...that is a walleye ! Look very much like ours. Very good to eat, if you like fish ! chunk it up and deep fry. Dip in a egg and milk mixture roll in cracker crumbs or just flour and cook in hot oil. Season with a little salt and seasoning...you will never give another away, at least without thinking twice !!!

mmmmmm is all I can say .

In southern Florida they call Crappie Specks or Specked Perch...they are most excellent eating !!

Mix in some hush puppies and wow...you will be in love.


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## youngdon

I've sen guys in 18' jon boats with garbage cans full of crappie, almost sinking the boat. Break out the electric fillet knife and go to town.


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## Mattuk

On a call said:


> Matt...that is a walleye ! Look very much like ours. Very good to eat, if you like fish ! chunk it up and deep fry. Dip in a egg and milk mixture roll in cracker crumbs or just flour and cook in hot oil. Season with a little salt and seasoning...you will never give another away, at least without thinking twice !!!
> 
> mmmmmm is all I can say .
> 
> In southern Florida they call Crappie Specks or Specked Perch...they are most excellent eating !!
> 
> Mix in some hush puppies and wow...you will be in love.


No it is a Zander a cousin of your walleye. I don't kill them they all go back. Sounds very nice though!


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## On a call

Well I would say that fish is more like a twin. How do you catch them ? And how come you do not eat them ?


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## youngdon

*This is a partial from wiki.
The zander is considered one of the most valuable food fishes native to Europe. It is esteemed for its light, firm but tender meat with few bones and a delicate flavor. Although it is not generally bred for food, its adaptabiity makes zander fishery quite sustainable. Indeed, in some regions release of young zanders is restricted, as natural stocks already provide a sufficient supply for the market, while boosting the population of this large predator would have an adverse effect on the zander's food fishes.
* 
*Zander* is a species of fish. The scientific name is _Sander lucioperca_ (or _Stizostedion lucioperca_), and it is closely allied to perch. Zander are often called *pike-perch* as they resemble the pike with their elongated body and head, and the perch with their spiny dorsal fin. Zander are not, as is commonly believed, a pike and perch hybrid. In Europe, a second species (_Sander volgensis_) is limited to rivers in southern Russia and the basin of the Danube. These two species are suspected to hybridize occasionally where they are sympatric, as they produce fertile hybrids in captivity; no natural hybrids are known yet however, and while they are apparently hard to detect, it is suspected that the species are separated by strong prezygotic isolation.
The zander is a common and popular game fish in Europe. It is often eaten, and it may reach 20 kilograms[1] of weight, although typical catches are considerably smaller. Zander are not indigenous to the UK, but were introduced into the East Anglian broads (large, partly artificial waterways) in the 20th century and spread rapidly.British Waterways included zander among a "dirty dozen" non-native species most likely to harm native wildlife along rivers in Great Britain. [2]
Their success in establishing themselves is owed to a number of factors, one of which is that they are particularly well adapted to life in the slow-flowing, sparsely vegetated, rather murky waters that comprise so many of the British lowland rivers.[3] Zander thrive in water with rather low visibility, unlike pike, which often dominate the predator fish niche in clear water. However, zander need plenty of oxygen and soon disappear from eutrophic areas.
*Use by humans*

In 2004, it was revealed that some restaurants in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area of Minnesota in the United States were serving imported zander instead of the closely related North American walleye (the state fish, and a popular food in the region). While zander and walleye are almost indistinguishable by taste, the restaurants were selling the European fish under the name "walleye", which is an illegal practice. An investigation by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration followed.


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## Mattuk

On a call said:


> Well I would say that fish is more like a twin. How do you catch them ? And how come you do not eat them ?


I like a small dead fish ledgered on the bottom or float fished. Because we don't kill fish other than game fish ie trout, salmon over here.


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## On a call

OH MY.....I think I just found a haven !!!

Don, grab your pole and meet me at the boat launch. We are going fishin and Matt is showing us where !

Matt...there are very few fish I would rate higher for eating than your Zander or our walleye. Salmon and trout are not close, that is...in my opinion.


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## youngdon

Yellow Perch, Halibut(steaks are the best IMO), and Salmon, Pickerel(pike), walleye, crappie, white bass, those are my favorites. Bust out the fry daddy and the grill.


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## Mattuk

Cod from the fish and chip shop!


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## On a call

Cod are ok...the best fish we had while in Ak hunting moose was burbot a fresh water cod


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## Mattuk

You would have a shock fishing over here Brian having to put most fish back! Sea fishing would suit you but there are some size limits.


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## On a call

When you say that you release fish....are you telling me it is required ? That you are not allowed to keep fish ?

The fish in the photo looks less than alive, that was a nice size what was the story ?


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## Mattuk

You can keep one or two perch, pike or zander back but its looked down upon to take many or other species apart from game fish. Your fishing for the enjoyment not to put food on the table. That zander went back alive, she was an old fish and took 5 minutes to get going but she was fine. No real story fishing with my father, only fish of the afternoon, caught on a deadbait fished on the bottom, 8lb 12oz.


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## On a call

Well she was a nice one. So what kind of trout do you fish. How large are your salmon ?


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## Mattuk

Rainbow, brown and sea trout. The biggest UK rod caught salmon was 64lb I think, caught by my brothers friends great aunt.


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## On a call

How do you guys fish for you salmon and or trout ?


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## Mattuk

Trout you can only fly fish for which is how it should be, salmon you can fish with fly, spinner, worm or prawn. I love fly fishing and plan to do lots more this year as my father is retired now and I want to keep him from the grips of my mother and the bloody garden!


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## On a call

The grips of the Bloody garden....one of my favorite places







.

But you get him out into those streams and throw those flies. What weight rod do you like to use ?


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## Mattuk

I have 3 fly rods a 4/5 brook, a 6/7 small stillwater/small river and a 7/9 big stillwater. Oh and a 9/11 salmon rod. How about you Brian?


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## On a call

Yes I have those weights and I think I may have a 3 weight for bluegill. But it was too light for throwing the flies I use. It works great for tight streams however.

I tend to throw wieght forward lines and tie my own tippets. I am not a fannic about fly fishing but I do enjoy set then hook on a nice fish. A friend and I tried pike fishing with fly rods but no success...the largest fish so far was a 28 pound king salmon. But the best fight by far was a 18 pound steel head ( a lake run rainbow ). He took me on a 20 minute or so battle....and I had to have help landing him.

I like finding fly rods being sold at garage sales or on Craigslist. In total I have 7 plus two break down models for back packing.

My first love however is bluegill fishing using the fly rod...hearing that slurp or...pop and fish on.


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## Mattuk

I keep meaning to try pike on the fly, people have taken them over here to just under 40lb. Nice Steelhead Brian! Yes most of my lines are weight forward.


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## On a call

They cast sooo much more easy than a the other lines I learned on years ago. As for reals I think they are over rated. Just a line holder. But when you have a large fish on....you certainly appreciate a good one. I always hand break.

As for the pike....now is the time. Or at least here it is. Casting the shallows on the north side of the body of water. That is where the water warms up first and the pike lay. Look for nice calm shallows very shallow waters just a foot or two deep. If you are working reeds wear glasses and watch, you can see them laying just under the surface. Use big feathers 6 inches or even longer.

Hope to hear you caught some at least one !

Steel head for me are the king ! so far


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## Mattuk

On a call said:


> They cast sooo much more easy than a the other lines I learned on years ago. *As for reals I think they are over rated. Just a line holder.* But when you have a large fish on....you certainly appreciate a good one. I always hand break.
> 
> As for the pike....now is the time. Or at least here it is. Casting the shallows on the north side of the body of water. That is where the water warms up first and the pike lay. Look for nice calm shallows very shallow waters just a foot or two deep. If you are working reeds wear glasses and watch, you can see them laying just under the surface. Use big feathers 6 inches or even longer.
> 
> Hope to hear you caught some at least one !
> 
> Steel head for me are the king ! so far


Thank you Brian I've said that for years!









I might have a go at the pike but that would mean a new rod etc You've got to!

I'll be happy at some buzzer fishing with Father.


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## On a call

Oh I would think one of your larger rods would work just fine. Even if you happen to hook into a 30 some pounder they do not fight like a salmon. The tippet would be my biggest concern. As you know their gill cover plates are sharp and can cut quick as a knife. Most guys think that a pikes bite cuts the line sure they may have a mouth full of teeth but it is thier gill cover plates. As you know they like to roll also getting tangled so if you get a big one just allow him to run a number of times and he will just lift right up to the boat.

Hope you make it....good luck if and when you do.


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## Mattuk

I think its better to get some new toys! Thanks Brian, don't worry we will along with my brother.


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## On a call

Well do it...how far do you have to travel to find good pike lakes ?


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## Mattuk

The local river has them to around 20lb but would be difficult to fly fish. I'd say within 50 miles.


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## On a call

Wow...that is like a 24 hour flight for me !

I have read about your pike and it does amaze me the size you guys have over there. Early spring ( right now ) is when I have heard it the best time to fly fish for them. And again hit the shallow along the north side of the body of water.

Try to you surface type flies..you do not want to get too deep. Stay above them.


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## Mattuk

You can fish all year round on still waters now but the rivers are shut form 14th march to 16th june. I still keep a closed season on both as I feel the fish and the wildlife around the water need a break.


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## On a call

There are some area that get high pressure year round but for the most part summer is the main season. Muskie all tend to be released by the way I did not mention them.


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## Mattuk

I thought Muskie's were a native fish in the northern states?


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## youngdon

They are native. They just stock to enhance the numbers from years of over fishing, introduction of non native species and poor water quality.


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## On a call

You both are correct but my comment was to say that most people who catch muskie do not keep them to eat. Catch and release.


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## Mattuk

Yes, I wouldn't want to eat one.


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## On a call

Oh but I do bet they are tastee. I just like how big they can get.


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## Mattuk

It's when a big one charges out of a weed bed and grabs the 5 pounder your playing and try's to take it back to his weed bed, that can make you jump!


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## On a call

On more than one occasion I have seen dead pike ( say a 20 pounder ) that died because it was trying to swallow an 8 pound pike. I had that happen with lots of differant species of fish. Bluegill and bass, perch and pike, yellow tail snaper and shark, walleye and pike .....but the best is...minnows and perch.


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## Mattuk

How big do your perch grow? Our record is over 5lb.


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## On a call

Hmmm...Matt are you sure ?

I was curious about a 5 pound perch...perhaps your perch are differant than ours. The world record is 4.3 pounds. I have caught 4 perch measuring over 14 inches and I have seen 16 inch perch...but those area very very rare. I am not sure what any of them weighed in at...but pushing 4 pounds may be close.

Are we talking about yellow perch ?


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## Mattuk

Yes Brian I'm sure! Perca fluviatilis the European Perch!


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## Mattuk

http://www.anglersmail.co.uk/news/record-6-lb-perch/ 
Sorry I was wrong!


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## On a call

Wow is all have to say...I wonder how long that guy was. Our perch do not get that big ? Maybe we over harvest....but you would think that there would be some here and there that grow to reach maturaity.


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## Mattuk

We have a lake on the farm that has perch to over 4lb, I have a photo of a friend with one over 3 and a half I'll try and find it for you Brian. A big perch is a beautiful fish.

Found it.


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## youngdon

Nice fish Matt. Did you fry that baby up?


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## On a call

Matt that is an awsome perch ! I would love to be able to catch a fish like that...and shoot deer like you do and well drink beer that you have and ...well drink the wine you have. I think my ancestors may have made a mistake ?? Not sure...but...I am thinking....

That is an awsome perch for that size body of water. Here if we had a pond that size...we would not have any perch like that .....anywhere !!!!


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## Mattuk

youngdon said:


> Nice fish Matt. Did you fry that baby up?










He did Not! It went back to get bigger! Thanks you two but it wasn't my fish, I might join that club again and go after them.

Brian I'm sure you get to do lots of things I can only dream about, You've got bobcats!


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## On a call

Well you are more than welcome to come over and stay with us. I have a camper up north you are welcome to use as long as you want. Trap, hunt, fish...What ever.

Just bring Don a bucket of those perch


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## Mattuk

Well thank you Brian one day I'll take you up on that. Don can bloody well eat American perch and leave ours alone!


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## On a call

I think he would enjoy them though









And I bet he would take you up into the mountains in Arizona to chase dogs.


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## Mattuk

If it wasn't for Roberta I could do that over here!


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## On a call

Well what Roberta does not know...


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## Mattuk

Only joking I'm not interested in that sort of dog!!


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## On a call

Ahh...but I was making referance to coyotes and fox.


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## Mattuk

I know you were Brian do forgive me.


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## On a call

No problem sport....


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## Mattuk

I'm out side sorting through fly fishing tackle at the moment, All my fly lines look like springs! This could be an expensive restart! Have you ever tried 'mill ends or seconds' Brain?


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## youngdon

On a call said:


> No problem sport....


Sir, step away from the scones.


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## On a call

ha ha Don...







.

Matt...You might just pull out your line and let it lay on the law in the sun for an hour or so. Not certain if this will help but...hey one never knows. If you are using weight forward line just be sure reload the same it dirrection.

I have seen mono act like that but never fly line.

As for the seconds or mill ends...I am sort of a CC, a cheap Chap. I am always looking for a deal. Just take a close look and run it off the spool before you purchase it to look for defects....most often they are fine...however I have come accross nicks, bubbles, and fat areas that made for hard casting and striping.


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## On a call

BTW...is that a colapsalbe net ? I have one just like it if it is.

I got a report the Steel head are running hard !!!! I soo wish I was closer ! Two weeks and counting.


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## Mattuk

Will do, thank you Brain. The line is buggered 4 years without use! Yes it is a collapsible net. I'm getting my rod license this week.


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## Mattuk

Here are a few links to some of the places I fly fish.

http://www.discover-rutland.co.uk/site/things-to-do/sport-and-leisure/fishing
http://www.elinortf.co.uk/
http://www.chewvalleyfishing.co.uk/index.htm


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## On a call

Some nice links.

I enjoyed reading about the trout and pike fishing. Looks like the most active time is durring the colder weather... I see almost everyone dressed in wool !

Which lake do you prefer to fish ?


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## Mattuk

Wool!? I love Elinor, the buzzer fishing is fantastic. Chew is where my blood is from and always in my heart.


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## On a call

I tried to locate Chew but was not able to locate it .


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## youngdon

Click on his last link then on Chew valley.


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## On a call

Ah yes...found it.

Nice looking lake. Not too many cottages on the shore line.


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## Mattuk

Rutland is over 3000 acres, Chew is over 2000 I think. The pair of you should come over and I'll take you out in a boat for the day, time it right with some pheasant shooting and deer stalking. Lamp a few foxes!


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## On a call

One of the things that amazes me is that you can being doing all three of those ooops..no make that four this time of year. Here fox are out, so is deer ( has been for some time ), Pheasant has been out since last years end...so all that is in is fishing and yotes.

I am not sure of the cost of a plane ticket...but that would be about the only thing holding me up.


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## Mattuk

Pheasant season ended 1st February so it would be from October next season.


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## On a call

Oh ok....Here the best time to fish for large pike is in the fall. Spring is the easiest time of year.


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## Mattuk

I would fish for pike and zander in the autumn and through the winter.


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## On a call

Through the winter ? Do you ice fish Matt ?


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## Mattuk

No we're not bonkers! Our waters rarely freeze and never enough to walk on unless you are stupid! When I've got a spare moment I'll dig out the pike rods and take a photo of how I would set up to fish. Have you ever heard of an electric bite alarm?


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## On a call

My bite alarm is alarm clock going off at 5 am . Telling me to wake up and get out there.

I have hear of bells on your rod tip to alert you to a bite...that is about it.

As for ice fishing....it can be a wonderfull experience.


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## Mattuk

I've seen it on TV and heard about it on podcasts and its just not for me, as long as you enjoy it thats the main thing Brian!

On the weekend I'll dig out the pike gear and take some photo's for you all.


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