# Mother’s Day



## youngdon (Mar 10, 2010)

I’m fairly certain we don’t have any Moms on PT I hope you all took the time to honor your Mom, the Mother of your children or someone who filled that roll.


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## kiyote (Jun 15, 2014)

I have no memory of my mother. she died when I was two. she had breast cancer and refused treatment for it when pregnant with me and refused the doctors advice to abort . had she not done so , I would not exist . so, every day I take a breath , my ultimate goal is to honor her each and every day!!

I don't always succeed but the goal is always in my mind .

the mom who raised me , now has dementia and is legally blind and no longer even knows who I or anyone is.

she is ,for all purposes ,simply putting in the time until the sweet release of death . it is a horrible existence no one should have to endure . the only bright side is she is unaware of any other state of being.

each visit is mothers day. even though she doesn't know me the visits seem to bring her joy. my only concern now is to provide her care and comfort till the end. death for her will not be a curse but a welcome blessing.

I know , what a buzzkill! lol


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## hassell (Feb 9, 2010)

Been there kiyote , you're doing awesome on what your doing. Yes Don- Mom's are special throughout our lives , thankfully they have their %$#@ together.


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## kiyote (Jun 15, 2014)

appriciate that .

I've no doubt everyone on this site has been or is going through something similar .

truth is ,all I do is as much for me as it is for her.


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## knapper (Feb 5, 2010)

My mother passed several years ago and I still wish I could ask her questions.


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## youngdon (Mar 10, 2010)

kiyote said:


> appriciate that .
> 
> I've no doubt everyone on this site has been or is going through something similar .
> 
> truth is ,all I do is as much for me as it is for her.


Dementia is a terrible thing. My Mom had it too. I remember distinctly when I first realized it and also when several years later I knew that she would never recognize who I was and I could never say goodbye. 
My sympathies to you Kiyote.


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## glenway (Mar 27, 2011)

Miss my mom, too.


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## kiyote (Jun 15, 2014)

dementia is a terrible thing but you play the hand your dealt, not the one you wish you had .

in a way it has gotten easier . she is beyond the point of being aware her mind is going and all the frustration and anger that comes of that is past for her .

for a while it was pure hell to even be around her , with her having fear of knowing what was happening and no power to slow it . paranoia , she would accuse all of family of trying to steal her money , of which she really didn't have any of.

it was not possible to have a rational conversation about her future and her care and it only made matters worse to try and argue . sometimes you just had to walk away for a few moments , till she forgot what she was angry about.

anger over care givers coming in to help her . I get it , who doesn't want to be self sufficient.

she used to get angry because she had a heart attack and we allowed the doctors to place a pacemaker .

she screamed at us kids many times that we should have just let her die . which is probably true but without a living will or prior conversations on the matter , doing so is not an easy decision to make.

she is legally blind , can't find her way back to her bedroom from the hallway and even now she is still bitter over loss of drivers license as she still thinks she has the ability . lol

two years ago she took a fall and broke her leg and had to have it bolted back together to were she can walk but cannot flex her ankle anymore . she at times complains her ankle won't bend but she has no memory of it being broken. that is a blessing I guess.

mostly though the anger is now gone and mostly all she has memory of is her childhood. which she loves to talk about . it is strange how vividly she remembers her childhood and her mother , father AND sister.

she often thinks I am her father , which is weird .

I can tell her I am her son but she only remembers it for a moment before any conversation reboots back to the beginning every ten minutes or so.


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## hassell (Feb 9, 2010)

Hard dealing with it if a person has 0 exp. trying to understand. Part of dementia is remembering ones past so remembering current affairs and who is standing by their bed is out the door. I feel for you, been down that road one 2 many times.


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## kiyote (Jun 15, 2014)

it is nice having a big family so there is plenty of help.

all of her kids have stepped up!


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## hassell (Feb 9, 2010)

kiyote said:


> it is nice having a big family so there is plenty of help.
> 
> all of her kids have stepped up!


 Now that is frigging awesome right there. Way to go family.


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## murphyranch (Dec 9, 2015)

I'm fortunate and blessed to still have my mother. She is 82 and is probably in better shape than I am physically and mentally. Water aerobics 3 days a week, golfs, rides a bicycle, plays mahjong with her posey of lady friends, blackjack at the casino, likes a stiff margarita and even got to be at 3 of her great grand children's births during covid. She just drove to Galveston for a baptism from her home in northern Oklahoma after being home only 2 days from driving to St. Louis for a granddaughters graduation. She told us when she no longer feels it's safe for her to drive she will let us know. She still has a very active say about what takes place at the ranch and she readily fills in to feed cattle, rake hay or go get parts when needed. She says her secret is to not get idle. My brother and 2 sisters all spent Mother Day with her along with in-laws, outlaws and kids.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## youngdon (Mar 10, 2010)

Some of Kiyotes writings about his Mom sure bring back some feelings about my own Mom. I really wish I had been closer distance wise to her and my Dad when they were going through all the dementia. Luckily Dad was still sharp as a tack and planned ahead for their later years.


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## kiyote (Jun 15, 2014)

my dad did a pretty good job setting her up financially. they just never did much as far as living wills , wills . burial wishes and such. he always told me he wanted to be cremated and told me to fight for it because he knew some of the family was catholic and opposed to it .

on his deathbed , he changed his mind and asked to be buried in the VA cemetary with my mother to be buried there later on same plot above him.

I thank GOD , I was also in the room for that conversation or there would have been hell to pay.

if you do nothing else in life , make your own arrangements ahead of time so family doesn't have to squabble over it while grieving


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## youngdon (Mar 10, 2010)

I'll agree with that 200%. My parents had a living trust with medical directives included. The will portion was pretty straight forward a small sum fir each grandchild, the rest split 50/50 between my brother and I. If you contest their wishes in any manner you get nothing. When they died all my brother had to do was go to the funeral home and sign a few papersand my wife and I arranged flowers. They picked everything down to the color of the caskets.
We were all very thankful that they did that. It took some of the stress out.


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