# Only in Texas



## On a call

A Texas farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor's, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door 
"Is your Dad home?" 
"No sir, he isn't; he went to town." 
"Well, is your Mother here?" 
"No sir, she went to town with Dad." 
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" 
"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad." 
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,and mumbling to himself. 
"Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message." 
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."' 
The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."


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## youngdon

Heeee haw !!


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## bar-d

You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard.

Herd discount.


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## Predatorhunter

LOL that is pretty funny.


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## hassell

You forgot to mention Howard having to ride in the back of the truck in the cattle rack!! HA!!


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## On a call

ha ha..yeah


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## Helmet_S

I really got a good laugh out of that. I even read it to my wife and she laughed pretty good also. Just corny enough to be retold by me. I am sure I will screw it up somehow though.


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## On a call

Oh I doubt it...you will do just fine


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## youngdon

Just don't put yourself in Howards place........or the bull or the hog for that matter.


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## HowlinRed

I have a 17 year old boy, this might not be so dang funny.....


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## youngdon

I take it you've had "the birds and the bees and child support talk with him"? you may as well throw in "the ex-who takes half of your stuff" too!


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## HowlinRed

The brain of the young man is sooo focused it's hard for me to break through.


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## youngdon

Two words.....


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## youngdon

Baseball bat !!


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## hoovertx4

that was a goodun.


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## youngdon

And remember one condom saves two lives.


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## Bigdrowdy1

In more ways than 1


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## On a call

One word...

Education.

if that fails...try giving him a doll to take care of for a month. He might get the hint.


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## HowlinRed

He put in a good days work building fence for a man down the road today and they set every post by hand. That will take some of the sap out of him.


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## On a call

Hey Red...that also is a great way...till he starts making $$ and then buys a truck...then...well you know the neighbor rancher will be knocking at your door


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## HowlinRed

I might be in trouble already then. He already has a truck. No, he's a good kid. He knows what is expected of him. Plus I wouldn't have to do a thing to him, his mother would kill him.


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## youngdon

Fear of reprisals from parents has kept many kids on the straight and narrow, in fact you're reading from one now.


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## On a call

I was only joking and I am glad he is good boy..generally a product of his up bringing...you know the apple does not fall far from the tree. And yes moms tend to have a say in the matter.

Raising kids are alot of work as you know...I know some kids think it is great to have a baby. But then reality sets in and well you know. I have a niece who thought oh...babies are soo cute. Well now my sister and brother inlaw are raising the boy. I was angery when I found out why my niece did what she did and for what reason.


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## HowlinRed

Yes, parenting is a full time job to me and I tell both my kids that. If they start doing stupid stuff, and they will because they are young, it's my job to get them back on track. If I don't, then I feel like I have failed as their father. Sometimes I'm not the most popular guy in the house, but I don't care, I'm gonna do my job. We all love and respect each other and they know that I am gonna teach them right from wrong. I am extremely blessed and lucky that I have the two that I have.


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## youngdon

It sounds to me as though you are lucky, and that they are too.


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## HowlinRed

I think so, and thank you Don!!


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## Mattuk

This really makes me want to have children!


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## youngdon

Free labor for eighteen years and someone to change your diaper when you get old.


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## Mattuk

Your not really selling it! We had the feeling for 2 weeks but things went south. I am an uncle and I love them to bits.


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## On a call

Aunts and Uncles....rent a kid.

Trust me they change your lives forever....you laugh you cry, you get angry and your love...but mostly, you love.


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## youngdon

Mattuk said:


> Your not really selling it! We had the feeling for 2 weeks but things went south. I am an uncle and I love them to bits.


Sorry to hear that your thing went south Matt. Have you seen a DR.


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## Mattuk

Sorry chaps if I said anything stupid last night, just ignore me I was talking a load of crap.


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## On a call

Thats why he is with Roberta


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## youngdon

Don't worry Matt, you're amongst friends. We'll support you when you need it and give you crap the rest of the time.


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## Mattuk

youngdon said:


> Don't worry Matt, you're amongst friends. We'll support you when you need it and give you crap the rest of the time.


Good thats what I need to hear!


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## youngdon

It's what we do !


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## Mattuk

youngdon said:


> It's what we do !


And you do it well!


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## On a call

Well some of us...but I have my problems.


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## HowlinRed

Come on Matt, take the plunge. You ain't gettin any younger and the world needs a new pro gun advocate.


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## Mattuk

HowlinRed said:


> Come on Matt, take the plunge. You ain't gettin any younger and the world needs a new pro gun advocate.


You enjoy your children and I'll enjoy a happy $£* life!


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## On a call

Well how old are you Matt...I feel you should be at least in you mid 20's...and have a degree in child raising before having childrem


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## Mattuk

32 Brian, Roberta will be 30 next month which for her I think is knocking on a bit and maybe I should part ex for one with less miles on the clock!


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## HowlinRed

You might get a cartoon knot on your head when Roberta reads that!!!


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## Mattuk

She knows her place!


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## HowlinRed

Hahahahah...... Riiigggghhhhtttt


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## Mattuk

Its true I'm telling you!


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## On a call

Mattuk said:


> She knows her place!


If I made that comment...I think I would get two knots and a knock out punch.

32 well that is a good age...but then kids are somthing you want to have not somthing you think you should have. I was 35 when I had my children and knew I wanted kids in my life. There have been times I question my disision ( sp ?) but...all in all I am happy I did...like today spending the evening with my 14 y/o daughter who said..dad you really do love me.


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## youngdon

Mattuk said:


> She knows her place!


You will never convince me that she is reading your posts after that one. Unless of course she whacked you on the noggin and threw you in the pit with all the other body parts and is typing as though it were you.


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## Mattuk

Roberta is a free (and I might add very lucky) woman!


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## On a call

When you say free...do you mean free to wack you ? ha ha.

I liked Don's analogy...If this is Roberta, please send a cup of tea down to Matt. And a few jars to pack up some fox bait while he goofing off down there.


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## Mattuk

Sure I'm all for equal rights! She can have the first punch!


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## lucas_shane

Mattuk said:


> Sure I'm all for equal rights! She can have the first punch!


If I offered mine the first wack she would wait til I was sleepin after an all night hunting spree and wack me with that 16 inch cast iron skillet !
Im 6 ft 260 and she 4 ft 10" 110 lbs and yet I still know when to keep my mouth shut !!!

Now if only the good lord would give me the brains to realize when before its to late : )

LOVE my kiddo BUT i dont want anymore !!! Atleast not til he decides that he cant hunt with ol dad any more, then Ill go borrow a kid that wants to hunt. lol


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## On a call

Shane I am sure that would be one of the last wacks....

As for the kiddo...wait till you start takin your GK's out.

I think the good lord gave you your gift...


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## Mattuk

youngdon said:


> You will never convince me that she is reading your posts after that one. Unless of course she whacked you on the noggin and threw you in the pit with all the other body parts and is typing as though it were you.


Its true Don! You lot need your balls reattached!


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## youngdon

Yeah.... I'm pretty sure that Roberta is working the keyboard now. It's OK Roberta he did say some pretty wankerish things about you.


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## Mattuk

I've never said anything horrible about Roberta!


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## On a call

You are correct Matt, I have never heard you bad mouth her.

Back to the subject...kids...I was 35 when I had my first and so was my wife. So you have time Matt.


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## Mattuk

Thank you Brian. I'll give it some thought not a lot but some!


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## On a call

Ok...you can stop thinking .....lol


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## youngdon

Mattuk said:


> I've never said anything horrible about Roberta!


Nothing horrible, slightly underhanded perhaps, but not horrible.


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## Mattuk

Perhaps! She shouldn't mock me being 2 years older that her then.


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## Predatorhunter

I would never offer mine the first punch she would wait til I wasn't looking or awake for sure!


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## Mattuk

Are you all with ladies that box for a living or something!?


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## On a call

Oh no Matt...the women here are taught at an early age how to box...only joking. Gina is a gentle woman who tends to be reserved unless I provoke her.

I just worry about you.....Roberta removes balls for a living and knows how to use anesthesia. I would hate find out you woke up one morning with well...less than you went to bed with







better yet..


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## Mattuk

As long as its the veg and not the meat thats ok! Solves the children problem then!


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## On a call

Hmmm...what is her email ?


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## Mattuk

[email protected]'tthinkso.co.uk


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## On a call

I sent a note .... a note came back saying...the suppies are under the bed ???


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## Mattuk

I just checked and your right Brian, holy $hit!!


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## Predatorhunter

I believe in equal rights too and I would offer her the first shot if I thought she would play fair.

She don't need to know how to box to use a bat while I sleep. LOL


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## youngdon

Yeah I can take a punch, it's all the other stuff I worry about.


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## On a call

Me too...we are thinking about you buddy beyond the pond !


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## Mattuk

Its all ok got through the night without any problems!


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## On a call

This is just one of many nights to come...whats that word I like to use ?? Oh yes anticipation but in your case...I perhaps that word does not fit.

It will be one of those night you missed a date night or a gathering....you get home and you know she is upset...but no words are spoken. The next morning you wake up and well.....you are talking in a higher voice.


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## Mattuk

Never going to happen!


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## On a call

Mattuk said:


> Never going to happen!


Words uttered by the best of us !!!!


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## Mattuk

Trust me Brian all is fine.


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## On a call

Not worried...I am thinking you can handle most anything.


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